What If: Michael Jordan Never Existed?

Of course Karl Malone is the one who snaps him away

Earlier this year, Michael Jordan was asked which record would be harder to break: Russell Westbrook’s consecutive games with a triple-double, or Harden’s consecutive games with 30 points or more?

The G.O.A.T.’s answer?

Michael Jordan won six championships in six tries – collecting all six Finals MVP’s – earned five regular season MVP’s, a DPOY, three steals titles, and ten scoring titles. Quite simply, he dominated the era he played in.

Now, what if a player this dominant simply didn’t exist? Who collects the accolades that Michael Jordan earned?

Let’s start with divvying up the scoring titles:

Continue reading “What If: Michael Jordan Never Existed?”

Why Team USA Will Lose the FIBA World Cup

Every hoop head on God’s green Earth is expecting Team USA to take the gold in the upcoming FIBA World Cup tournament beginning August 31st. Don’t count me as one of them.

Everyone can remember when mighty Team USA – stacked to the gills with NBA talent – were shocked in the 2004 Olympic basketball semi-finals by Argentina.

In hindsight, maybe it shouldn’t have been such a surprise. Argentina was truly a talented team, who touted NBA talent of their own in Luis Scola, Fabricio Oberto, Andres Nocioni, and of course Manu Ginobili (arguably the best player in the entire tournament).

The popular narrative wove at the time was that the United States was so dominant at basketball, that any twelve NBA players could be grouped together to win gold at the tournament. After their colossal failure, it was argued that Team USA didn’t have the shooting, nor the top-tier NBA talent necessary to win at the global level.

People always point to this experience as the turning point in which Team USA learned from this lesson, and came back better than ever in the 2008 Olympics, with the Redeem Team. But, they actually got their asses handed to them once more in the 2006 FIBA World Cup semi-finals, this time by Greece:

Continue reading “Why Team USA Will Lose the FIBA World Cup”

The NBA Landscape: Basketball Paradise or Just Another Wasteland? (Part 2)

My final sixteen takes on every single NBA team after the 2019 offseason

If you missed Part 1, click here to catch up!

Memphis Grizzlies – Wasteland

Memphis actually found two players in Marc Gasol and Mike Conley who wanted to stay in Memphis through the prime of their careers, and promptly traded them both away. Granted, both have peaked and will now begin to gradually decline, but just where are they ever going to find another player, let alone two, who actually wish to re-sign with the team?

Miami Heat – Wasteland

Yeah, I know they have Jimmy Butler. I don’t care. Jimmy’s gonna Jimmy, which means he will score a bunch of points, lose a bunch of games, and generally enjoy being a rich single dude in Miami. But, the Heat won’t amount to shit until they eventually move him.

Continue reading “The NBA Landscape: Basketball Paradise or Just Another Wasteland? (Part 2)”

The NBA Landscape: Basketball Paradise or Just Another Wasteland? (Part 1)

Where does your team play?

I have heard some opinions of the NBA’s upcoming season, and the most overwhelming opinion is that the league finally has some parity. There will finally be a season in which multiple teams have a chance to compete for a championship, instead of just the same one every season (Warriors).

But is that the case? I decided to dig a little deeper into each NBA franchise, to discover just how many actual basketball paradises exist in today’s NBA, in comparison to the death rattles heard from still way too many basketball wastelands.

What exactly is a basketball paradise? It’s a city in which professional basketball will be most enjoyed. A city in which the audience is benefiting from exclusive VIP treatment and pampering from the league.

A wasteland is exactly how it sounds. The NBA and it’s audience have forgotten all about you and your basketball team. All that remains in this bitter desert of pain and despair is your skeleton covered in dust and wearing your favorite player’s jersey.

I’ll also be determining which teams are mediocre. You don’t want to be this either.

Continue reading “The NBA Landscape: Basketball Paradise or Just Another Wasteland? (Part 1)”

The Warriors’ Boogeyman II: Return of ‘The Claw’

Most experts are saying the reigning/repeat NBA champions don’t have much to fear in their eastern conference opponent, the Toronto Raptors. Perhaps that’s only because they’re not standing in their shoes?

A good boogeyman is one that is motivated. Probably the greatest example of this is Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th fame.

Poor Jason was the victim of negligent camp counselors who were all too busy doing drugs and having sex to notice that one of their campers was drowning in Crystal Lake. When no one was held accountable, his mother decided to dish out a little justice of her own, killing the negligent counselors, before meeting the same fate as her son. Then, through some miracle (Hollywood), Jason was resurrected, grew to about the size of J.J. Watt, and began seeking some payback on those responsible for the murder of his mother (why TV doesn’t play a marathon of these movies during Mother’s Day is anyone’s guess).

Sometimes a boogeyman is already a killer, but is suddenly given a motive that drives them. Such is the case with Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Freddy was arrested for killing and torturing children. When he was brought to justice, he got off on a technicality (don’t you just love lawyers?), and was set free. This didn’t sit well with the victims’ parents, obviously, who promptly burned Freddy to death in a boiler room on Elm Street; However, just because Freddy was killed, doesn’t mean he was banished for good (it doesn’t?). Through some miracle (guess who again?), Freddy is able to kill and torture the children of Elm Street where their parents can’t protect them: In their dreams.

All of this brings us to our boogeyman of the hour: Kawhi Leonard.

Continue reading “The Warriors’ Boogeyman II: Return of ‘The Claw’”